The price of success…
“Love your problems, because consciously or not, as an adult you pick them.”
-Ted Brunetti
I caught a bit of Colin Cowherd’s show on ESPN the other day. Cowherd was using Tiger Woods, as well as other elite athletes, as an example of what it takes to be successful.
Here is a snippet of what Cowherd said:
“Tiger is now a better human thus Tiger is a worse golfer. For 20 years the best athletes: the Tigers, and Kobes, and Peyton Mannings and MJs are selfish, and they have to be. You can’t be a 9 to 5 guy, best Dad in the world, there for your wife every night and be the best in the world at anything. What often makes the best athlete would make a terrible human. The most balanced people I’ve ever met who have got their family and job and relationships and social life just perfectly coordinated are never ever the most successful people. To be a great Dad you gotta give stuff up. And to be the best golfer, you gotta be manic.”
Cowherd went on about this for a while; trying to make the point that in order to be extremely successful in your field the rest of your life must suffer. He referenced the book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell and Gladwell’s 10,000 hours theory. Gladwell basically states and gives supporting evidence that in order to become an absolute expert in whatever you’re doing, you must clock in 10,000 hours at the task. Cowherd concluded from this that there is no way you would be able to maintain relationships or any sort of balanced life because there simply wouldn’t be enough time. (Even though Gladwell’s theory is 10,000 hours over a lifetime.)
One will be successful in life in whatever one chooses to be successful in. It’s all about your priorities. If you’re a hard working businessman and building a hugely successful business is one of your goals in life, then you will work hard to make sure that goal is achieved. If you also have the goal of having a partner in life and raising children with that partner, then you will also make that task a priority in your life. One can work hard at more than one task; the question is does one want to? Is it a priority for them?
I remember a few years ago, after a Christmas Eve football game I was standing in the parking lot with Quarterback Philip Rivers. Rivers said, “Alright, gotta get home and put together a swing set.” He just won a nationally televised NFL game. He wasn’t going out to celebrate at the strip club with his friends. He was going home to put together his children’s Christmas gifts. Because he decided that he wanted to have a family, and he makes the success of that family a priority in his life. Sure, other guys on the team probably went out to celebrate, and that’s fine, because maybe they didn’t decide to have families, maybe they have a different priority: having a good time, celebrating, etc. I’m not saying what’s right or wrong in this situation, all I’m saying is that we all have choices. And we can be successful at whatever we choose if we truly make it a priority.
I love the book “Outliers.” I think it’s fascinating the way Gladwell breaks down the achievements of several successful people and points out the common themes to their success. (If you haven’t read it, you definitely should.) However, I don’t think that just because you dedicate a huge portion of your life to pursuing a specific career that your personal life must suffer. It certainly can suffer…I think we’ve all seen or heard enough examples of celebrities’ lives falling apart.
Yes, a ton of time and energy given to one task or pursuit will most definitely leave you with little time to spare. Of course you may miss out on certain events in the lives of your loved ones: after school activities, soccer games, recitals. But showing up for your child’s soccer game isn’t the definition of being a good parent. It takes a lot more than that.
I believe that people choose their lives. We’re all born into different circumstances out of our control, but as adults we choose our lives. So when a super successful person is not able to maintain a meaningful relationship it’s because THEY didn’t choose to. THEY didn’t choose to make it a priority. If a priority in your life is to live with integrity and have respect for others, then ALL of your relationships will have those qualities present in them; from your relationship with your spouse to your relationship with the guy that works at your local Starbucks. It’s all about priorities and desires.
I don’t think we should be spreading the idea that in order to be extremely successful in your profession, you must treat the people in your life horribly and everything else in your life must be manic. So… we’re basically telling young people, who dream of huge success, that they should prepare to have awful personal lives because they’ll only really have enough time to focus on their golf swing?
12 Comments for The price of success…
I agree, Cowherd is such an idiot!
Well Said!!!!!Turner
IF Pac Man Jones said he was going home to put together a swing set we would all have visions of leather and mirrored celings instead of kids in the backyard . . . just sayin’ lol
lol, hey, like I said… we all have different priorities.
Hey Turner,
Huge Bolts fan who just discovered your site, we’ll be back often. Great story about Rivers, it is why I love the man and love him being our QB. Cowherd is blow hard, he is wrong you don’t have to give everything up to dominate like that. Peyton Manning is a family guy, I am interested to see how having twin babies this year effects Peyton.
I hate to say it, but there’s a lot of truth to the fact that to be the best at something you must sacrifice a lot. Wives hate it, but for a driven guy he’s got to take it to that level. For some reason women don’t seem to understand it, but it is what it is. The hours just aren’t there to be a fantastic dad if you are trying to achieve something great in another sphere of life. Some wives support it and share in the achievement, others feel sorry for themselves and try to stop him from following the dream. When George Washington left to lead an army into battle was his wife complaining that he didn’t take care of the kids enough? YES! Unfortunately, women just aren’t really going to be able to understand why “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do”. They usually don’t have that insane drive to take something to it’s absolute maximum at the expense of happiness and balance. For better or worse, men do. That’s why we have skyscrapers and highways and spaceships and the internet and stuff like that. Not that men are better but many of us are wired to achieve something, whereas women are wired to protect and defend something.
BTW ask Phillip River’s wife sometimes how she feels about his game time, and the sacrifices he makes to be great. More than likely she’s pissed, feels taken advantage of, not emotionally connected, blah blah blah. But that’s the price you pay for greatness, and I’m not saying I want to pay that price!! And it’s no picnic for Philip either!
i’m pretty sure you know nothing of the rivers family. please don’t assume the man’s wife is pissed or not emotionally connected with her husband just because he’s a great quarterback. you hear philip speak of priorities in his life it’s God, family, and then football. i’m sure he’d rather be a great husband and father then a great football player.
Rockwood,
Do you actually believe the words that you have written in regards to men vs. women and achieving success?? “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” Seriously!? Take professional sports out of the equation because your comments are degrading to wives across the board. If your husband is a NFL QB, teacher, or insurance salesman, you work together as a team to achieve success for your family. This line might be the most ridiculous of them all: “They (women) usually don’t have that insane drive to take something to it’s absolute maximum at the expense of happiness and balance.” Wow. Obviously, you are not a married man. That statement reeks of selfishness and ignorance to how strong, determined, and motivated women are in their own right.
Also, please refrain from commenting about player’s wives. “Some wives support it and share in the achievement, others feel sorry for themselves and try to stop him from following the dream.” Not want your husband to follow his dreams!? Why would a women want to take away the most attractive thing about a man, his passion. We (women) are INSPIRED by men that chase their dreams and that are confident in meeting their goals. Time is usually sacrificed by men in order to achieve these tasks but in the long run it is for the family and wife, his rock. Please view women from a different light. We are better than you think…
Amen Sister! I think what I wrote was misinterpreted by David Rockwood. Of course people will make sacrifices for success, both men and women. But like I said, it’s priorities. You can still have a good relationship with your wife and kids even if you’re working long hours…you just have to put in the effort. I agree with everything you wrote Christina!
People who are the Best in the World aren’t necessarily jerks or not putting effort into have positive relationships in their lives; their problems stem from neglect, or lack of time. Good relationships have some semblance of equal effort from both sides. Time spent has a lot to do with that equation. Even great relationships cannot handle that one-sidedness for too long.
The “Best in the World” title does foster imbalance. Those competing at the top are willing to neglect other aspects of their life for any possible advantage in their arena. Every advantage matters. In order to be better than those people who choose imbalance, you either have to have significantly more talent or outwork them. It’s the competition that breeds the imbalanced people at the top like Tiger. I admire people like Tiger because they choose to be the best knowing it will negatively impact the rest of their lives for a shot at greatness.
One last thing is that Successful is not the same as Best in the World. Anyone who has trained for anything knows this: The better you get at something, the amount of work needed to improve beyond that point increases exponentially. At the highest level of competition, that amount of work needed to see the advantage is gigantic.
for the record…10,000 is about 5 years of full-time work. The average worker works 2,000 hours a year (2,080 is 52×40 – so I am giving 2 weeks of vacation a year). Having read Gladwell’s book, there was MUCH more to his theory of success than just the # of hours. Tiger would probably have put in 10,000 hours in 2-3 years, which is what makes him different. He put in a 60 hour week even when his hands were bleeding. And he was blessed with physical gifts that allowed him to be a great golfer. I think a lot of folks are confusing causaility with correlation. Seeing 2 things appear near each other does not mean that there is, in fact, a cause and effect relationship. Seeing Tiger work so hard and then be great didn’t mean he wouldn’t have been great without the work. Seeing him fall off cause he spent time with a family vs. at the course doesn’t mean the 2 are cause and effect.
I guess I disagree with Cowherd’s basic premise that Tiger is now a better human. We all know he’s a worse golfer. Where’s the evidence that he’s somehow become a better person in the aftermath of his despicable behavior?